“Jasper,” came the reply. “Jasper Johnson.”
I let him in. Rubber Brother was nattily attired in a sharp business suit with a carefully-folded pocket handkerchief. “You look awful,” he said. “Are you feeling well?”
“I’ve just been swamped with homework,” I said. “I’ve hardly left the house.”
“Have you contacted Donna?” he said.
“Donna Blank, the social worker? No, I’ve been too busy.”
“Well, it’s your party, Missy,” said Jasper. “You’re the one who wants to break into Megatonic University and discover all the answers to your burning questions.”
“I’ll get around to it,” I said. “The fusion of the split universe, the reappearance of people who were supposed to be dead—including my grandma, the whereabouts of my real father…although I hardly see how a social worker can help a group of megaheroes on an exploratory mission in a secret facility deep under Arbor State campus…”
Jasper went to my closet and began rifling through it. “Don’t underestimate Donna Blank,” he said. “She may volunteer for the community, but there’s more than meets the eye. …Do you have anything to wear? A skirt, or a dress? Your Sunday best, I should think…”
“Why? What’s going on?”
“We’re going to meet with Donna,” said Jasper. “She’s got some business downtown, and could use our moral support. Quick, get dressed—you’re coming along.”
“But I’ve got school, work…” I said.
“Avie told me your schedule,” said Jasper, pulling out skirt and blouse from the closet. “You’re free this morning. Now put this on. Dana’s waiting downstairs.”
In front of the Gothic revival Holistic-Humanist Congregation of Cass City church building, Dana Dorman was waiting for us—dressed up, too, in a skirt-suit with heels, even. She still had her Mohawk and studded leather choker and wristbands, but she also had a nice purse and the cutest earrings. I wondered if the leather-clad dominatrix known as Domina was dolling up for my benefit. We hoofed the couple blocks to Woodward Avenue and hopped on a bus, which rattled us all the way to downtown.
“Do you know what’s going on?” I whispered to Dana.
“Donna Blank has some casework going before a judge,” said Dana. “Jasper mentioned the name of her client, but I didn’t recognize it.”
We got off near the City-County Building, the one with the statue of a giant, kneeling green god holding a couple of tiny golden people in one hand and a radiating star in the other. We went through security to an elevator that whisked us to a floor above, where we made our way to a small courtroom. Donna Blank, with her short, spikey hair, was dressed in a business-like pants suit. A brief case and papers where spread out on the table where lawyers usually sat.
“I’m glad you guys could make it,” she said to Jasper. “I might need character witnesses.”
We took our seats in the first row behind the table. There was no one else in the courtroom. Presently, the judge, an older African-American lady in a black robe, entered and took her seat at the bench.
“What do we have this morning?” said the judge, rifling through some papers. “Rigid vs. Sternlicht?”
Donna rose. “They’re not here yet, Your Honor,” she said.
The judge looked at her watch. “We still have a few minutes.” She busied herself arranging her gavel and things on her bench.
“Sternlicht?” I said. “Sternlicht is the name Stella Starlight used to avoid notoriety as the See-Thru Girl when she first came to Ann Arbor.”
“The very same,” said Jasper.
“Get out!” said Dana. “You mean I’m about to meet the See-Thru Girl herself, in person? Be still, my beating heart!”
“Yeah, but you know who Rigid is,” I said.
Momentarily, Stella appeared with two-and-a-half-year-old Simon in tow. Simon immediately made a beeline for me, crying, “Aunt Clarissa!” I stood up as he hugged my knees; I lifted him up and set him in a chair next to Donna.
Behind her followed Trent Phloog and Preston Percy, wearing his usual dress shirt and tie; he had apparently driven them in from Ann Arbor. Preston hung in the back of the courtroom as the other three joined us in the front. Donna greeted Trent and Stella and showed them their seats at the table next to Simon; apparently she was representing the Nuclear Family.
In another moment, Rex Rigid—Liquid Man—dressed in a dour brown suit, waddled in, his sagging midsection sloshing around like a distended waterballoon. Stella’s former husband carried a briefcase and took off his hat, both of which he set down on the opposing table.
Behind Rex was a remarkable figure of a man—nearly as wide as he was tall—wearing a sharp, light purple suit, his long hair slicked back. He had the face of a glowering bulldog and fat, unlit cigar in his hand. “Heh, heh,” was all said through a tight grimace.
“Bad Guy!” said Trent. “Woo! To think Professor Rex Rigid is now in cahoots with a megavillain—my, how the mighty have fallen.”
“Professor Rex and Bad Guy, the behind-the-scenes leaders of the Y+Thems,” said Dana through clenched teeth. “They’re the ones who put that predator in charge of our team—the one who tried to rape your sister,” she hissed to me. “They’re the reason what’s left of the Youthful Permutations went into hiding. But why isn’t Rigid using his prop wheelchair?”
“That’s Bad Guy?” I asked. “But I thought he was an old-school megavillain who wore tights and the whole deal. Why is he dressed that way?”
“He’s gone legit,” said Jasper. “He’s an affluent business man now. He owns factories with lucrative Pentagon contracts, develops real estate up and down the East Coast, invests in megahero-team startups like the Y+Thems, you name it. He’s made millions—gives a lot of it away to philanthropic causes, too.”
Bad Guy, who had taken his seat next to Rex, sneered over at us. “Heh, heh.”
Finally, in scurried Kozmik Kat from the back of the courtroom, wearing his usual goggles, buttons, and cape. “Jeez, parking downtown is murder. I hope the Q-Mobile doesn’t get a ticket—up on the roof.” Koz took a seat on the opposite side of Rex. Looking over at us, he waved. “Sorry guys,” he said. “I kinda find myself on the visiting team.”
The judge banged her gavel. “The matter of Rigid vs. Sternlicht is before this court. Is the defendant here?”
Stella stood up. “Present, Your Honor,” she said, smoothing the front of her smart skirt suit.
“And the plaintiff?” said the judge.
Bad Guy stood up. “Your Honor, my name is Bartholomew Gamble, wealthy businessman, pillar of the community…”
“That’s a laugh,” said Trent, scowling.
“Capitalist pig!” hissed Dana.
“…upright citizen, et cetera, et cetera…. You’re welcome,” Bad Guy continued. “My client, Professor Rex Rigid, is a brilliant scientist of world renown. For some time now, he’s been my business partner in certain…dealings. And I can speak to his impeccable character…”
“When Bad Guy endorses you,” said Trent, shaking his head, “that’s pretty sad.”
“Mr. Gamble, are you a lawyer?” asked the judge.
“No, Your Honor, but…”
“Then you have no standing in this case. Please be seated. Who is representing the defense?”
Donna stood up. “I am, Your Honor.”
“Is Donna a lawyer, too?” I whispered to Jasper.
“No, but she’s dealt with a lot of child custody cases.”
“Crap!” I whispered under my breath. “This is about Simon!”
“What’s the old buzzard got to do with it?” asked Dana.
“Rex Rigid is trying to obtain custody of Trent and Stella’s child,” I said.
The judge made the whole lot of us stand up and swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, so help us God; then we sat back down. “I like to run things informally,” she said. “There won’t be any need for you to come up and take the stand. Now, let’s see, Miss Sternlicht,” she said to Stella. “You reside in Ann Arbor? If that’s the case, why is this even in my courtroom?”
Stella rose. “I’m a student at Arbor State, Your Honor,” she said. “But my legal residence is in this county, with my parents.”
“I see,” said the judge. “And this is about the custody of one Simon Phloog?”
Simon ran up and jumped up on the chair of the witness stand. “I’m two and a half years old!” he said. “And I’m almost potty-trained!”
“That’s fine,” said the judge. “You can be Exhibit ‘A’. And the legal father is here?”
Rex Rigid rose. “Your Honor, I am this bast—this child’s—legal father. The mother was married to me at the time of his conception and birth, and I have since provided considerable financial assistance—she stole my credit card…”
Stella flinched. “It was my credit card,” she said indignantly. “I just haven’t paid you back, yet.”
Donna rose. “Your Honor, we’ve filed a motion to revoke the legal paternity of Professor Rigid, and establish the legal paternity of the boy’s biological father.”
“Is the biological father present?”
“Yes, Your Honor,” said Trent.
“And who are you?” asked the judge.
“Um, my name is Trent Phloog, Your Honor.”
“And what is your occupation?”
Trent rose to his full height. “Formerly, I was Megaton Man,” he said with some pride. “America’s Nuclear-Powered Hero…”
“Heh, heh,” said Bad Guy through a clenched grimace.
“And what is your current occupation, Mr. Phloog?” asked the judge.
“I, uh, work at a used bookstore,” said Trent, almost inaudibly. He sat back down.
“What’s that?” demanded the judge. “Speak up.”
Trent stood up again. “I’m a clerk at Border Worlds New and Slightly Used Bookstore,” he said. “In Ann Arbor.”
“Oh, I love that place!” cried the judge. “I could spend hours looking through all those coffee table art books. I bought a gift for my granddaughter there just a few weeks ago. She goes to East Lansing.”
Trent beamed and sat back down.
“Your Honor,” said Professor Rex, “I don’t contest that Megaton Man is the biological father…”
“Of course not,” Stella muttered under her breath. “Liquid Man couldn’t make love to a hot water bottle.”
Rex ignored the dig. “But, as the inventor of Megaton Man—yes, that crook Levitch stole my notes—I’m here to testify that the boy’s parentage makes the matter all the more urgent. Clearly, I can provide a better future for this child—not only do I have the resources, thanks to my many fabulous, patented inventions, for which I receive royalty remuneration, but I can also provide the boy with surroundings proper for a growing megahero. You see, he’s the offspring of two megapowered beings, which will require special supervision…”
“Mega-what?” said the judge.
“Megahero,” replied Rex. “Not only is the boy’s father a Megaton; his mother is a Meltdown, which I also happen to have a proprietary interest in. You see, it just so happens that—as a wunderkind myself—I was affiliated with the federally-funded experiments that created both Megaton and Meltdown lines of megaheroes, which resulted in this…this boy…”
The judge looked confused. “Are you claiming this child as your…intellectual property?”
“In a sense, I am,” replied Rex. “Only a scientist of my renown could have the necessary technology and know-how to keep this Megaton-Meltdown creature in check until he reaches the age of maturity—I have a special process…”
“You zapped the poor kid,” said Kozmik Kat. “What a terrible bedside manner, for a pediatrician.”
“And who…what…are you?” asked the judge.
“I’m a talking cat, Your Honor,” said Koz. “I thought that was obvious.”
“Which brings up a related matter,” said Donna. “We have reason to believe that Professor Rex Rigid, assuming the name ‘Dr. Quimby’ and under false pretenses, impersonated a doctor to gain unlawful access to an Ann Arbor hospital, where he performed this unauthorized ‘zapping’ procedure on Simon Phloog when he was only a newborn. May I remind the court that impersonating a medical doctor in this state of Michigan is a felony…”
“And if I hadn’t ‘zapped’ him, as you call it,” said Rex, turning to scowl at Kozmik Kat, “which refers to a highly sensitive de-megapowering procedure, the little terror might have levelled all of Ann Arbor. May I remind this court that Simon Phloog is both Megaton and Meltdown, and potentially the most awesomely-megapowered being hitherto known to mankind…”
“Heh, heh,” said Bad Guy.
“…and if those treatments aren’t administered regularly,” Rex continued, “to keep his awesome power under control—at least until the boy reaches adulthood—he poses the greatest threat to humanity the world has ever seen.”
I looked at Simon, who was still standing on chair in the witness stand. He was picking his nose and—yes—eating it.
“Rex sounds like he’s being hyperbolic,” I whispered to Dana. “But I saw Simon fly around the hospital room in diapers myself, and lifting medical equipment and all kinds of stuff. After ‘Dr. Quimby’ treated him, he was quiet as a lamb.”
“Good Lord,” said Dana. “The thought of one kid possessing the megapowers of both Megaton Man and the Human Meltdown!” She shuddered. “And I can’t stand kids anyway!”
“Not only that,” said Rex. “But little more than a week ago, the villainous Arms of Krupp attacked Ann Arbor, nearly taking out father and son. Your Honor, civilian parents simply don’t have the means to protect a megapowered child from megavillains who would do it harm…”
“Heh, heh,” said Bad Guy.
I wondered how Rex could have known about the attack, but I supposed news travels fast in the megahero world. Still, as I thought about taking a projectile in the back, I wondered whether it could have all been a stunt staged just to help his case.
“Your Honor,” said Stella, who rose. “My child is completely normal. In three years I’ve never seen any sign of the behavior that’s been described.”
“Which is true,” I whispered to Dana. “In the hospital Stella was pretty drugged up and out of it.”
“I don’t want my child raised in a laboratory,” Stella continued, tears forming in her eyes. “Or in some sterile, high-tech megahero headquarters in New York City. That’s why I moved to the Midwest, to give my son a chance at a normal life.”
The judge looked at Simon, then at Trent. “Clearly, the boy is a chip off the old block,” she said. “And Megaton Man, whoever he used to be, doesn’t look all that big and megaheroic now. I certainly don’t see any clear and present danger, either to the child or the region. The legal paternity of Rex Rigid is hereby revoked, and the paternity of Mr. Phloog is recognized. The plaintiff’s motion for custody is denied.”
The judge banged her gavel. The proceeding was over.
“You’re going to regret this,” Rex said to Stella. Rising from the table, he put on his hat and picked up his brief case. “You women think you can handle these mega-toddlers yourselves,” he said, presumably alluding not only to Simon but to Kiddo’s child Benjamin Franklin Phloog, who was father by the Original Golden Age Megaton Man. “When all hell beaks loose, I’ll be back in Megatropolis—too far away to be in any position to help. I hope Metropolitan Detroit has an evacuation plan.”
Rex turned and looked down at Kozmik Kat.
“A fat lot of help you turned out to be,” said Rex. “Witness for the prosecution—feh. Are you coming along, or what?”
“Nah, I think I’ll stick around Detroit for a spell,” said Koz. “How often does a talking animal have an opportunity to pick on a couple megapowered tikes his own size? Besides, Yarn Man can use a break from me snagging his wool all the time.”
“Suit yourself,” said Rex.
Bad Guy and Trent both got up to leave at the same time, and found themselves standing face to face in the aisle of the courtroom. “So, we meet again, Man of Molecules,” said Bad Guy. “Heh, heh.” He turned to Stella. “See-Thru Girl, you’re looking good.”
“Bad Guy,” said Trent, who was clearly trying to think of a snappy comeback. But nothing came. “Woo!” was all he could say.
Stella could only manage a disgusted “Ugh.”
I said to Koz, “Man, I could have used when I was doing research last week. We’ve got a big caper coming up.”
“I’m up for a big caper,” said Koz. “And I need a place to crash.”
Jasper wanted me to have a word with Donna, but I was more interested in a question I had for Professor Rex. I chased him and Bad Guy out into the hallway before they could get away.
“Professor!” I said. “I know our last meeting wasn’t all that friendly, but I just wanted to say, you’re heart is in the right place. I know you were motivated today out of real concern for Simon.” I was trying to butter him up.
“That, and an abiding hatred for Megaton Man, and a seething resentment toward my wife.” He stopped, turned, and sniffed at me. “Bart, I’d like you to meet Ms. Megaton Man, America’s current Nuclear Powered Hero.”
Bad Guy looked me up and down. “This little black girl?” he said. “Heh, heh.”
I ignored him. “Professor, my grandmother Seedy told me you were there when the universe split apart.”
Rex warmed at this. “Ah, the good old days. Seedy James—how is the old girl? I understand she’s back in this dimension since we last spoke.”
“She’s doing fine,” I said. “That’s what I wanted to ask you about. How come the split universe is getting back together? Can you explain it?”
“I’m afraid I can’t, Miss James,” he said. “Theoretically, it’s impossible.”
“That’s what Stella told me,” I said. “In the Multimensions, realities can only keep splitting apart, but two or more fusing back together is unheard of.”
“Nonetheless, it seems to be occurring right under our feet,” said Rex. “Near as I can tell, it began about seven years ago, when Trent Phloog first wandered into New York—and Megaton Man stole the heart of my young bride.”
“How could you tell it was happening?” I asked. “I mean the fusion of two disparate universes—not Megaton Man wooing the See-Thru Girl.”
“For one thing, people started calling the town Megatropolis—I had to change the name of the Quartet, from whatever it was before,” said Rex. “For another, people I had known from my travels to other dimensions—including loathsome megavillains like Bart here—seemed to show up unannounced.”
“Heh, heh,” said Bad Guy.
“Do you think your Time Turntable had anything to do with it?” I asked.
“Who knows?” said Rex, shrugging. “I’ve unleashed more than a few uncontrollable forces upon the world in my time. All in a day’s work, for a mad scientist.”
Donna, Jasper, Dana, Trent, Stella, Simon, and Koz all spilled out of the courtroom into the hallway. Trent carried Simon on his shoulders; Dana was arm in arm with Stella; Jasper craned his rubbery neck about, looking for Donna. Before I knew it, Rex Rigid and Bad Guy had disappeared.
“Wait! I wanted to ask Rex who the Thirteenth Scientist was,” I said, to no one in particular. I wanted to kick myself for not writing down all the questions I had on paper. Then again, the last thing I’d expected this morning was to run into Liquid Man in a downtown Detroit courtroom.
“I’m a big fan of yours,” Dana was telling Stella. “The See-Thru Girl broke down so many barriers for all us women megaheroes.”
“All I did was turn naked with but a thought,” said Stella. “But I appreciate the kind words.”
“But you have so much strength,” said Dana. “It radiates from your deepest core—I can feel it rushing through me. And, we have so much in common—both hating Liquid Man and all. Why don’t I come out to Ann Arbor some time—do you like folk music?!”
While we milled about, Jasper whispered something into the ear of Donna Blank, who looked over at me. She came over and pulled me aside. “Jasper says you have some business you’d like to discuss,” she said. “Or should I say, that Ms. Megaton Man would like to discuss.” She winked at me.
I was impressed at what I had seen in the courtroom, but still I wondered what good a social worker could be for the caper I had in mind. Would Donna Blank file a lawsuit against Megatonic University to open up and let us in?
“I understand you have the address of my Royal Oak office ,” said Donna, “and you know how to get in touch with Ms. Megaton Man.” She winked again. “We can’t talk now, unfortunately,” she said, looking over at Preston Percy, who had just emerged from the courtroom with Kozmik Kat, and was eying us suspiciously. “Have her drop by tonight, around midnight,” she whispered. “Don’t bring the cat.”
Next: Enter the Phantom Jungle Girl!
First Chapter | All Chapters | Latest Chapter
Archival Images:
 |
| The Nuclear Family (Megaton Man, Stella Starlight, and baby Simon Phloog) in an unpublished collector commission. |
All characters, character names, likenesses, words and pictures on this page are ™ and © Don Simpson 2020, all rights reserved.
No comments:
Post a Comment